The heart is a tyrant. A dictator. A fascist absolute monarch. It will never cede its place to logic or good judgment. My heart will be the one to take over my entire body and make of it whatever it wants. Every desperate attempt my brain makes to try and control me is futile. It is my heart that will keep me from eating and sleeping every time I get nervous or excited or scared shitless. I will continue feeling like shit, looking like shit and experiencing excruciating pain in my whole body for lack of nutrients and my heart will take pleasure in seeing me under those circumstances. And if I do eat, my heart brings it all back up again just to teach me a lesson. "Don't ever do that again."

If two weeks ago, I was going through an intense gluttony spree, now I'm going through an intense anorexia spree that is quickly becoming a binging and purging one. I'm fucking sick of having my head in the fucking toilet every two fucking hours.

So basically the two kilos that I managed to gain in the past six months, I lost within a week. And my weight will most certainly continue to decrease unless my heart stops beating or by some miracle my brain finally manages to overpower that spasmodic wad of muscle and blood.

My Barry G. baby Bass guitar will be making its way to Israel with my mom who is leaving today. It will stay there until I go there this summer along with my two other guitars (that is, Trash Princess will not be coming with me because she's broken anyways) and everything else I own.

I think the fact that my aliyah began sinking in now is better than if it would have hit me like a ton of bricks on the plane or once I'm actually in Israel. But again, this is my brain speaking, and in my psycho-biological hierarchy, the brain is but a mere peasant. And my heart is saying, you feel like shit, then start acting like one and looking like one.

Whatever, fuck, maybe it's just caused by the swelling of my tits and ovaries. Hmmm, the tits and ovaries are tyrants.

Peace, love and "got any Advil? Got any chocolate? I need a good fuck."

When it's supposed to smell like PUSSY!

The Vagina Monologues represent. I just got it from ebay on DVD. Man, I forgot how good it was and the fact that Eve Ensler herself performs it makes it even better. I don't think I've ever heard or saw anything more empowering in my whole life.

I especially love the last part where she compares the vagina to a heart and that it's capable of doing, feeling and expressing so much more than what it's being given credit for.

Peace, love and "they should make white cotton panties with a built in tickler in it. Women would be coming ALL DAY!"

You know whenever there's a holiday, it's to celebrate something good, nice and pleasant. And that's what makes holidays special and unique but it's also what sucks about it because it keeps reminding us that every other day is shitty.

So basically, Valentine's Day celebrates love because it's special, but it's only once a year, and for the rest of the year we fight, we kill and we hate. I think it would be better if every day of the year would be a day of love, peace and harmony and once a year we would have a holiday of hate to remind us how lucky we are to have love in our lives.

Yes, the same should go for Christmas and Thanksgiving. Why is it that only during these holidays you have to be happy and cheerful and be thankful for what you have? It's absurd! It should be that way all the time. But it isn't. That's the sad reality of it. And this is why holidays suck. Because they are there to tell us that this is only once a year and it's all an illusion, and tomorrow, hate, cynicism, and misery will reclaim its routinely activity.

I think the reason why people love to hate so much is because love can get nauseating after a while. I mean, I guess that many people can agree that cheerful jingle songs on Christmas can get extremely irritating, and the same goes for love songs on the radio during Valentine's. So if we had love for 364 days a year and only one day of hate, we would all be suffering from projectile vomiting syndrome.

Ah, yet another sad reality - there is such a thing as too much love.

Well, in any case, in Israel they probably don't even know it's Valentine's Day, because they celebrate love on Tu Be'av which is sometime around summer, which, to be honest, makes a hell of a lot more sense than celebrating it during winter. If you're the type who likes to dress up sexy and skimpy for your man (or woman), it's not so easy in sub-zero temperatures, and it doesn't have the same effect when you're covered with a big fat coat and scarf and tuque and boots and gloves... And if you like going out instead of staying in for your Valentine's date, snow and slush can slow you down or make you more lazy (considering you have to wear a few extra layers of clothing and carry all that heavy shit across slippery roads and sidewalks).

Yet another sad reality - whoever started Valentine's Day is an idiot for setting it in winter.

In the spirit of sad realities, since this wonderful illusion called Valentine's Day is soon coming to an end, I wish you all peace and love.

Peace, love and sorry for being repetitive

Here's what one of the coolest journalists wrote in the New York Post:

"The fight between Denmark and its detractors is not between the West and Islam. It is between democracy and a global fascist movement masquerading as religion."

- Rent-a-riot ABCs, by Amir Taheri, New York Post, Feb. 9, 2006.

Yes, that's right. Amir Taheri is IRANIAN. There is still hope!

And here's what I write:

I finally got addicted to something that is not hazardous to my health - eBay!

I also thought about selling stuff there so I checked out the list of stuff that I'm not allowed to sell. Here's one of these items:

Bummer... so that means I'm not allowed to kill people and harvest their organs for sale on eBay?

 

In unrelated news:

 

Peace, love and Muhammad cartoons now on sale on eBay! (Why don't you go torch that too, you little bastards?)

The world is going insane. Maybe I'm just reading too many articles or watching too much reality TV and news and shit but it really seems like planet earth and its population are running headlong into oblivion.

Sometimes we laugh about it at work, but that's only because crying about it is not helping.

I've come to realize also that if I'll be relocating to a potentially more dangerous part of the planet, I might as well make amends to some people that I may have hurt over the past few years. One of which is my ex best friend. She and I met in grade four and had a great relationship up until grade 11 (sec 5). We were still good friends after that, well into cegep and beginning of university, but things had already started deteriorating. The final blow came around January 2003, and whatever stupid fight we had, I refused to talk to her and cut all contact with her. It was my fault, and it's been three long years that I've been trying to prove to myself that I don't need her and I'm better off without her. But the truth is that I miss her terribly. I know that things cannot go back to being the way they were but if I tell her how sorry I am about what happened, maybe we could somehow become good friends.

It's not only because I'm moving away that I started thinking about her but also because it sucks that this friendship had to end the way that it did. It sucks that my ego got the best of me and it sucks that I lost the one person, after my parents, who meant everything to me. Trying to substitute that friendship with a romantic relationship proved futile and eventually backfired.

My ego is still in center stage so I'm having a hard time picking up that receiver... well, it's also because I kinda forgot her number but that's no excuse because I can easily get it from another one of my friends who is still in touch with her. Until my ego subsides, which should be any day now, I'll go back to the subject at hand - Israel:

"Asked once during his brief, second premiership what the Palestinians would ultimately say they gained from the Jews, Shimon Peres retorted: democracy. By now, some Arabs agree. Following an Egyptian writer's bitching - during a recent seminar of Mideastern journalists - over his government's antipathy towards democracy, the Israelis at hand were amused to hear a Palestinian reporter tell him: 'What you need is a little Israeli occupation.'" ("Middle Israel: Who Freed the Middle East?" by Amotz Asa-El, The Jerusalem Post)

Yeah! You tell'em, brother!

Peace, love, and where was Clinton when European newspapers published grotesque cartoons of Ariel Sharon and Jews as Nazis?

PS - stand up for freedom of speech and freedom of the press!